4/7/2011
COMMUNITY HEALTH BEHAVIORAL HOSPITAL- INDIANAPOLIS, IN
gonna grow up all hefty, drinkin’ milk and shit. saw girls breasts, just a bit of the tit.
forgot to knock. and i’m sittin’ here waitin’ with my fly down and my dick clinchin’.
start readin’ siddhartha with pit stains and signs of gout.
got the tolstoyan nonviolence mind and the inner kingdom blues, doomed to exile. ina disembodied state with otherworldly plates.
sedated, i sit. yesterday i sat. tomorrow i will sit some more. then hopefully i can sit where i want. then hopefully i’ll be ona plane as ya social work on my brain, psychosis nos and it’s difficult for me.
ima norway wolf and yr fuckin’ wearin’ on me.
kerry does his laundry. jermaine learns to cope. i’m jus sittin’ ,copin’, drawin’ with dreams of dopin’, copin’ with the voices, takin’ lessons from fraser.
“please limit the phone call to fifteen minutes matthew” says the nurse. my name is max and i’ll be off in a sec, don’t act all knowing ya fuckin’ ac blowin’, ego growin’ meth faced faggot.
my dick shrivels in and it’s in for the winter. nothin’ springin’ jus april showers, of course of course off course.
edith settles down and nibbles ona apple while bill sits and stares. ginger listens and compares and i pine about what once was. the drink, the drunk, the buzz.
any thoughts of hurting yourself? FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO!
ima transcendent good, be, i would, if if if i wasn’t fuckin’ trapped in here, but have no fear yr doc is here servin’ ya sheer terror but no pain, jus empty of joy, thirst, desire, dreams and everything in between.
lovely idiotic or hateful clever. what do they want? makin’ mind movies until die, 40 cups of water til i’m cryin’ and sighin’ and prayin’ for jus one day more.
knock knock on the door. matt hasn’t given fraser his meds. i sit. he looks. i sit. he glances. i sit. he stares. i get up, get out. they strut in with a shot and it’s fraser up and out. out with a pout. DUN DUN FUN.
